Tuesday, August 26, 2008

David Byrne is back again and I approve

I have been a fan of David Byrne for some time. In case you don't remember he was involved in the Talking Heads some years back. Well he and Brian Eno (a great producer who has worked with a bunch of well known artists) got together to produce this new album. It is available online through download only for now directly from the artist. Neat idea, no middle man to jack up the prices and you can listen for free through a stream on their site, or right here, right now by clicking below. I recommend listening for a few songs before you say, "I don't know who the hell this is!" and run for more familiar music. Have Fun!

My Big Nurse
I Feel My Stuff
Everything That Happens
Life Is Long
The River
Strange Overtones
Wanted For Life
One Fine Day
Poor Boy
The Lighthouse

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Nothing but Tears

A new product to toughen up the kids out there:

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time….

My friend had a burrito. The next day he said, “That burrito did not agree with me.”

I was like, “Was the disagreement over whether or not you’d have diarrhea? Let me guess who won.”

“I tried to reason with it, I insisted, you know."

It was like, "I wanna go outside, I like these pants, but the burrito had his way."

PS- This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated

Lemon Jelly

Here is Lemon Jelly's video for "Nice weather for ducks". It's from their 'Lost Horizons' album back in 2002. I forgot about these guys until today. Me Likey.

It's kid friendly too, unlike this blog.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, “Dude, you have to wait.”

Some jokes are short and elegant, like a mathematical proof
or a midget in a ballgown.

Monday, August 11, 2008

The Mystery Closet Smell

I consider myself to be a 'clean' person. I bathe daily, brush my teeth regularly and empty my trash when it reaches the top of the can. We moved into a new apartment a few months ago and it smelled just like an apartment should. Not good, not bad, just normal.

Well in the last two weeks we have begun to notice that our walk in closet by the kitchen was smelling funny, and I don't mean 'funny ha-ha'. I mean 'funny weird'.

Every time I opened the closet I noticed the smell. I performed the normal inspection to determine the cause, which usually involved looking around, sniffing and shrugging my shoulders. Each time I entered, which was only about every other day, it seemed to get slightly worse.

Well today we had misplaced something or other and we were convinced it was in that closet. I opened the door to a significant increase in the odor emanating from the room. My first thought was that the damn neighbor (upstairs or down, we live in the middle) was taking a shit in their walk in closet and the smell was wafting into our house. "Those Bastards!" I thought.

I continued searching for the missing item when my naked foot slid under a blanket on the floor and touched something wet.

This was not good.
I do not live in a swamp.
My precious, delicate foot was touching something wet.

I pulled the blanket back to reveal an innocent bag of red potatoes. These spuds cannot be the source of the wet, I thought to myself. Until I moved the bag...

Do you know what potatoes smell like when you forget them in your walk in closet for 3 weeks after their due date?
They smell like ASS!

Not like a little fart, or even a floater left in the bowl. But like a gigantic BAG of ASS! When I picked up the seemingly innocent bag, its contents proceeded to pour out of the handy little breathable holes that come standard on every potato bag.

Now I was holding a five pound bag of spoiled ass that was leaking all over my foot and I had no where to go. To make a long story short there were paper towels flying, bleach spilling, foul language and now my foot smells like someone took a shit in a bottle of bleach.

The moral of this story is: "Be careful where you keep your Taters."

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Duck Tracks

"Mommy, Mommy! There was a gigantic duck in our yard!"

"Shut up and go back outside!"

"Alright, but I need a gun."

"No you don't, now close the door!"

I swear I'm gonna get a pair of these and walk around my neighborhood this winter!

They are so freakin' cool. If I was a kid (I still am, I just wear bigger pants), these would be the most awesome thing EVER.....

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Sunday, August 3, 2008

I'm Brainy!

They say the brain is the most important organ in the human body,
but then again look at what's telling us that....

I need this kind of inspiration in the morning!